I hate it when people don’t

“I hate it when people don’t have common sense.”

I said that recently. Loudly. Internally. With conviction.

I had a house guest who left me genuinely upset, and I caught myself standing on a very tall, very righteous soapbox.

Here is my baseline belief:

When I am a guest in someone’s space, at the absolute bare minimum, I leave it the way I found it. Ideally, I leave it better. And on a really good day, I offer some kind of gift as an energetic thank-you.

This feels like… common sense. Right?

Oh dear. And that, my friends, is where the arrogance sneaks in.

Here is the true story.

A guest stayed in my yurt. They did not have a car. I told them that if they wanted a ride to town, I needed to leave by 8:00am for an appointment. We explicitly agreed on that time.

At 7:50am, there were no lights on, no signs of movement. I knocked and said we were leaving in ten minutes. They said they would be out shortly.

They were ready at 8:15. I was late.

When I returned home, there was uncovered takeout food, rice ground into the carpet, and bedding pulled off the bed and left on the floor.

On the drive to their destination, they did not mention the mess. No apology. No acknowledgment. No attempt to make it right.

I was pissed.

Isn’t it common sense to respect someone’s space?

To clean up after yourself?

To make the bed when you use someone else’s?

To apologize when you mess up?

To try to repair?

Isn’t all of this just… common sense?

Here is the uncomfortable truth I had to sit with.

“Common sense” is a risky and dangerous assumption.

For common sense to actually exist, at least three things have to overlap:

shared values

shared awareness

shared capacity

So now, when I find myself muttering about someone’s lack of common sense, I pause and ask:

Do we actually share values here?

Do we share the same awareness?

Do we have the same capacity in this moment?

If the answer is no to any of those, then “common sense” is not a valid claim. It is just an unspoken expectation wearing moral armor.

Which brings me back to my part.

Common sense did not fail me here.

My unspoken expectations did.

Clear agreements prevent rupture.

Assumptions create it.

And when I skip clarity, I do not get to be righteous about the outcome. I get to learn.

Common sense is only common

when values, awareness, and capacity overlap.

Anything else is just a guess

with moral superiority stapled on top.

And yes, I have worn that hat too.

Where have you realized you were calling something “common sense” that was actually an unspoken expectation?