It is a male centered world

"It is a "a male-centered world" because men create the world. if all men disappeared, the world would come a screeching halt. the world literally functions because of men. men design and build. If women suddenly disappeared, for the most part, the planet would continue to function. men can do anything that women can do....men allow women to exist and have rights. men can, at will, terminate all women's rights and women would have no power to stop it or reverse it. western women could feel more grateful that they live in a society where men allow them to have lots of freedoms, unlike some places in the planet...seeing you in peace and love. ok, commence flaming."

This was a response from a post I made a couple of weeks ago about the phrase “you guys.” My post was pointing to something specific: how this term is commonly used in mixed-gender spaces, and how, through a linguistic and anthropological lens, it can subtly center men. I was inviting people to consider whether that matters to them, and for those who value gender-neutral language, I offered some alternatives.

Here’s the wild part.

That comment was written by an ex-boyfriend.

For the sake of this post, let’s call him Billy.

I’m 44 years old now. I was 29 when I dated Billy. Reading his response gave me an unexpected gift. I got to clearly see, and genuinely celebrate, how far I have come in my relational healing over the last 15 years.

Suddenly, so much made sense.

Billy’s worldview about men and women is exactly how it felt to be in relationship with him. Seeing it written out so explicitly was oddly clarifying. Honestly, it felt cathartic. I laughed out loud. A lot. That’s one way my body releases things it no longer needs to carry.

I have come so far. I spent nearly two decades in relationships that were deeply unhealthy. And what makes sense to me now is that my 29-year-old self believed those relationships were a good fit. They felt normal. Being with someone who held views like this felt familiar.

And yes, my PhD came in handy here.

My doctorate focused on the psychological and social development of boys and men, particularly as it relates to sexuality. So I actually understand how Billy came to see the world the way he does. His worldview didn’t appear out of nowhere. It was shaped, reinforced, and rewarded by the environments he came from and continues to live in.

Just as my worldview has been shaped and supported by the environments that I come from and choose to live in.

And what is also undeniably true is this: Billy and I could not be further apart in how we understand gender, power, and humanity.

There is such a wide gap that I have no desire to have a conversation about it. No need to convince. No urge to engage.

What I can do is listen, understand, and name it plainly as his truth.

And from there, I can simply say: That is useful information.

Useful information about who I want to be in relationship with.

Useful information about what no longer fits.

Useful information about the kind of worldview I am not willing to build intimacy around.

And one more thing.

That final line about “peace and love”? My truth is, that comment did not land as peace or love in my body.

And that is also useful information.

* Photo is just for fun and doesn't actually have anything to do with the post. I am stepping into a clown phase and wanted to share.