“Exampling” for Deep Healing

“Exampling”

Nico and I discovered an important and powerful distinction that has led to some DEEP healing in both of us.

We couldn’t find an existing word that represents this distinction.

So we came up with the term “exampling.”

“Exampling” has been a pathway for Nico and I to show up for one another in a way that allows our past wounds to move towards healing.

This is an example of “Exampling.”
Nico holds me in my internalized fear/scarcity trauma - when I get REALLY scared about money - he holds me, he grounds me, and he reminds me “that I am OK, he is OK, and we are OK” - He doesn’t ever get frustrated, or impatient - he holds the ground steady in the frequency of trust - so steady that I can actually put some of my scared down and lean into his massive island of trust, and part of me relaxes.

I keep working at this deep internalized fear/terror, and the cycle of my thoughts and the embodied terror that goes along with it.

This is how it can often go:

• I fear somehow I am not going to be OK.

• I am somehow going to lose all of my money.

• I somehow won’t know how to make more.

• That somehow I will go deep in debt and never be able to recover.

• That somehow I will have to ask for financial support.If I did that, it must mean I didn’t work hard enough, wasn’t responsible enough, couldn’t follow through on my visions or dreams.

• I must be a piece of shit if I had to ask for financial support.

• “I can’t lose” because what will they think of me?

And Nico watches me as I twist and turn down this familiar hole of anxiety. And he holds me with such tender reverence. He oozes with the spirit and reminder, “you are ok”. He pets my head. He pets my back. He squeezes me. He encourages the tears. He whispers in my ear, “I am right here.” He embodies trust deep into the ground like roots of a tree.

He is “exampling’ for me. He is embodying the essence of deep trust. He communicates embodied trust through his touch, through his voice, through his tone, through his breathe, through his exquisite attention towards me, he is energetically service domming me with so much yin energy - so much softness - so cleanly - so lovingly - so gently.

Do you want to know the MOST important thing of all he does for me? He NEVER gets impatient with me when I go into an anxiety episode. This is my most vulnerable state. I am the most scared. And he doesn’t get upset. He goes so so so soft, and so so so slow, and so so so so present. And sometimes some parts of me melt.

My nervous system feels his care. Feels his safety. And yet some part is still holding onto fear.

And there are moments I celebrate improvements in my anxious body. I also celebrate when the time lessens for me to recover from an anxiety episode.

And as much as this part has healed by being in relationship with this man, and for the extensive deep therapy I have done, it seems there are still some deep, likely ancestral wounds to heal.

And it is uncomfortable. And worth it to keep leaning in with love to support me in this life time to embody the deep feeling that I am OK.

Maybe I am OK.

I want to feel OK.

I sometimes feel OK.

I am capable of feeling OK.

I have felt OK in the past.

It is OK if I feel OK sometimes.

It is OK if I don’t feel OK sometimes.

That makes sense.

The universe is asking me to trust - and it has been difficult for me to connect to trust recently.

And I feel a shift coming on like noticing the fall leaves beginning to turn into brilliant yellows, oranges, and reds.

I can lean into trust that I am on the right path.